Rita & Lolita




Lolita: Rita, do you really have to stand right in front of me when I have a perfect view of my boyfriend’s butt… I mean band? Rita: Sorry, I wasn’t aware I was doing that. Lolita: And you’d probably say the same thing if I ask you to stop kissing my boyfriend goodnight.  Rita: What? Lolita: And don’t think I don’t see the way you let him touch you. Rita: Now wait a second. Your stupid boyfriend is the one with the problem. He’s like an octopus. Lolita: Don’t you accuse Johnny of being that way—you’re the one who keeps thrusting your breasts at his hands. Rita: I do not! Lolita: Sure, and I bet you were the one who punctured his tire, so he’d have a good excuse for getting home three hours late. Rita: Huh? Lolita: And why did he have to wash his shirt as soon as he got in? Don’t think I didn’t see that lipstick on his collar? Rita: But I don’t wear… Lolita: And that lemon perfume!  I can’t get it out of my nose!! Rita: I don’t wear per… Lolita: Just stay away from him!! Rita: Hey, Lolita—isn’t that your Johnny in the office bathroom making a lot of noise? Sounds like he’s not alone in there. Yes, look… that’s him coming out now. And what?! Look who’s coming out behind him! You have a bigger problem than you think. Lolita: Where? Who is it?



Lolita: First let me say… if there’s a gentlemen out there who’d like a sweet blond, girlfriend, I’m available. You can find me on PerfectMatch.con. Continuing our look at the most popular artists in New England, in this issue we have MELISSA FERRICKJOHNNY ACORIN ASHLEY, and LYLE BREWERRita: Each one of these artists have worked hard to achieve their success in the music business. Read their stories and improve your NEMIQ.



Lolita: There you go again with that NEMIQ? I can’t even pronounce it. But I’m going to move on to the first QotM (Question of the Month). Since it’s May, I wanted to ask, what’s the most important thing you ever asked someone to do for you?Rita: You know, that makes no sense at all. Lolita: Well, either does your NEMIQ!… Oh, hi Chuck! Did you hear that I was available? Oh wait, wrong question. What’s the most important thing you ever asked someone to do for you?  CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMBR/ WMFO): Oh, that’s easy. I asked Diane to be my wife, and she said yes! *** LINDA VIENS (Kingdom of Love): The most important thing I have ever asked someone is asking my ex-husband Wayne Viens to embark upon fertility treatments when we were unable to conceive a child. His dedication, loyalty, support, and fortitude made having our Ruby possible and I will forever be grateful beyond words. *** DOUG MacDONALD (Doug MacDonald Band): When I asked the bartender at T.T. the Bears if I could get my bands drink tickets the night before the show. It worked. Lolita: I hope you got drink tickets on the night of the show from a different bartender. Doug: Ha ha ha! No, but I had a major hangover!



Rita: That had to be one of the worst Questions of the Month ever. Lolita: Oh really? Well, to show you, I’ll make another one that’s even better. A.J., is that Lemon Pledge you’re wearing? It smells so manly. Did you know I just broke up with Johnny? Oh wait. I have to be more professional than that. Please answer this question and I’ll print your answer in the May issue of the Noise. The question: Make up a story about a musician who came over on the Mayflower. Rita: That’s not even a question—but go ahead A.J.—answer the silly thing. A.J. WACHTEL (Blind Lemon Pledge/ the Noise): Until recently, it was always a “given historical fact” that the crews on the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria brought venereal disease to the New World in 1492. Now it is medically agreed that a member of the Mayflower’s crew, known as the Count of Gono, gave the big G, gonorrhea, to many of the deckhands; who in turn infected much of the newly discovered continent. *** MACH BELL (Bag O’ Nails): My grandfather (x13 generations) Peregrine White boarded the Mayflower with his German-made bass guitar in hand. “No gigs for original-music in Europe” he fumed.  White’s ship fought against heavy seas for 10 months until he and his bass were finally tossed upon the shore of America. Peregrine was rescued on the beach by natives who desperately needed a bassman to complete their Bach tribute band. Rita: I don’t know which is worse—the questions or the answers? Lolita: Well, I for one, know that both of those answers are factual. Rita: That’s part of the problem. You only got two guys to answer your question—and I can see that you got their attention because you’re wearing that low-cut excuse for a blouse. Look, why don’t you serve the readers the music news and I’ll come back with a lot of answers to a question that musicians will want to answer.




Lolita: Picky picky picky. And my spaghetti-strap T-shirt isn’t too low- cut. Parts of me may fall out the side, but I’m not showing as much skin as some people would like. See?—look at this first piece of news…  BRIAN YOUNG of WMFO’s Crash Course for Ravers (Saturday’s 1-4pm) is threatening to send in a photo of him wearing only a fig leaf. This is what people in the music business will do to become the Noise Big Shot!  We’re waiting, Brian. *** At Northeastern University we saw AC FOX perform. Okay, we may have wondered about a guy who dresses up as a white fox with ears that wiggled on their own and a big fluffy white tail with a black tip. But when he started rapping in Chinese (no, he’s not Chinese) it was a creative jolt—but he ended his show with an epic theatrical number, “On Par,” that kept us guessing what the hell was going on. He’d fit well on a bill with ROB POTYLO—he might even make Rob appear a little normal… nahhh. *** Recently, lead Weisstronaut guitarist PETE WEISS broke a finger while stacking wood.  While most of us would find this to be something that sucked unarguably, Pete managed to find a splinter of positivity in the situation: the return of Pete Weiss, lead singer. *** Cape Ann Community Cinema (21 Main Street, Gloucester, MA) continues it’s Thursday night series of music-related films through May, culminating in Willie (Alexander)’s Birthday Bash on May 23 at 7:30. *** MERLE ALLIN is celebrating the 20th anniversary of the death of his brother, GG ALLIN. Merle has a new CD on the way. *** The Green River Festival in Greenfield, MA is planned for July 20 and 21. We know that HEATHER MALONEY will be there—so it has to be a great festival. *** The finalists in the 2013 MAMM SLAM, Maine’s high school Rock Off are Mark It Zero, Stolen Mural, Rupture the Fish, Beware the Pedestrians, Simple Burden, and Zenith. The preliminary battles took place at the Big Easy with the finals at Asylum in Portland, Maine. *** Want to meet the publisher of the Noise? He, T MAX, is hosting Giuseppe’s Shuffle every Thursday night in May—(2 Main St., Gloucester). Come on up, introduce yourself, and show him how to do the Giuseppe Shuffle. *** MARK CUTTLER is in the middle of a 10-week campaign to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society of Rhode Island. He was nominated Man of the Year. *** THE BIG LONESOME toured through New England in April, raising money for their next release. *** THE GOBSHITES are releasing a limited-edition EP of songs that RICHIE RAMONE recorded at the Doghouse Studio in San Diego. The EP is a bonus to anyone who pre-orders their upcoming CD The Whistle Before the Snap. *** MARINA EVANS is bi-continental—while touring and recording in Italy she has gathered up musicians and a producer for her first full-length release. Yet, she lives on Cape Ann and writes her songs there. *** THE COWSILLS (and eight other acts) were inducted into the Rhode Island Music Hall of Fame on April 28, 2013. *** Winners of their preliminary nights in this year’s Rock ’n’ Roll Rumble were Eddie Japan, Camden, New Highway Hymnal, Lifestyle, White Dynomite, and the Daily Pravada. *** JOE KOWALSKI (… Music Lessons/ Brown Boot) and LEXI KAHN (ex-Noise editor/ a.k.a. Michelle DiPoala) tied the knot in Las Vegas on April 15. Joe and Lexi met during production of T MAX’s amazing Project Eno in 2002. They will continue to celebrate their Eno-versary in July along with their new anniversary date. *** LOOKIE LOOKIE plays Latin boogaloo and includes Chris McLaughlin (Human Sexual Response/ Zulus), Russ Gershon (Either Orchestra/ Agachico), Ken Field (Revolutionary Snake Ensemble/ Birdsongs of the Mesozoic), Scott Getchell (Bad Art Ensemble/ Lars Vegas), Rick Barry (Bim Skala Bim/ Bam Bam) and Ken Winokur (Alloy Orchestra/ Concussion Ensemble). *** Hobo Cafe in Salsbury Beach has closed permanently. *** NICK CONSONE is hosting an open mic at Vic’s Boathouse in Salem every Thursday night. *** DONNI DARKO (Tall) has joined LUCRETIA’S DAGGERS on bass. *** TONY JONES & THE CRETIN 3 won the WXIN (Rhode Island College) Rock-hunt. *** Congratulations to ANGIE MILLER from Beverly, MA, on American Idol. *** ROOTS OF CREATION won best band in New Hampshire at the New England Music Awards. Lots of other winners, but they were the only ones quick enough to get us the info in time for this issue. Lolita: Quick enough? Sounds like my old boyfriend. And where’s Rita? I bet she didn’t get as many musicians to answer her question, what ever it is.



Rita: Over here, Lolita. I’m up here on top of the viewer’s deck at the airport. As the musicians head out on tour, I’ve been asking them this question. Describe one of your best songs. If you don’t write songs, it can be one of your favorite local songs. Here’s the owner of the airport… JOHN POWHIDA (John Powhida International Airport): One of my best songs is called “Iman Global Chic” and it will be on the upcoming JPX full-length Destination: Sake Bomb. The song imagines a day around the house at David Bowie and Iman’s place and she is pretty mad at him. I tried to contact Amanda Palmer about covering it but didn’t try too hard. *** MARK KAYE (Hear Now Live): “Serenade” by Biscuits & Gravy—it’s a very well-written song and easy to hum a long to.  Everyone I have played this for has loved it, especially my son, who knows all the lyrics by heart. *** SCOTT MATALON (Matalon): I love the title tune, “The Last Argument of Kings,” off our new album because it’s fun to listen to and really fun to play.  It’s also politically/culturally current, which is a little different for us; I love the lyrics and the guitar riffs and it doesn’t even really have a true chorus, plus the solo section is epic as hell with a half-time bass solo into a guitar solo that brings us back to one of our most wailing third verses ever before it rocks its way out.  It’s politically-motivated, it’s “hooky” and it totally rocks so hard it still makes me wanna sing along while banging my head! *** ANDY MILK (The Vital Might): “Measure” is our best song.  It’s the first song we played together when we started eight years ago.  We’ve played it as our last song 99.99 percent of the several hundred shows we’ve played.  It progresses from a mid-tempo story of rebirth to a double-kick-laden instrumental ending, which typically prompts us to hop all over the stage like maniacs. *** MACH BELL (Bag O’ Nails): “Paisley Hangman” has gotta be one of the coolest I ever wrote. We played it when my band the Mechanical Onions (inspired by the Electric Prunes) won the ’67 Holliston Jr. high school Battle of the Bands. Hangman was deep, apocalyptic, and angsty, but with a stompin’ surf beat. Lolita: In ’67? I wasn’t born yet? Are you sure you’re not talking about your grandfather, Peregrine White? *** RICK BERLIN (… & the Nickel & Dime Band): I guess it’s the one’s that seem the least thought out. The one’s that emerge as if though the self. For me, it could be “A Letter” (on Me & Van Gogh) as it is based on a letter I got from a kid in jail whose thoughts about his life while incarcerated, were more intimately communicated than had been possible on the street. *** SARAH BLACKER (Sarah Blacker): One of my favorite songs that I’ve written to date is called, “Pluggin Away.” It’s on my forthcoming album, Precious Little Things. It’s about the daily grind of being a touring musician which sometimes means that you find yourself on stage when you’re feeling as low as it gets, or running on empty. Life happens and the show must go on! However, it also describes that no matter what happens, you get up there, and “like a steam train driver,” or a “hybrid engine,” keep the engine moving forward at full speed (or as close as you can get). I think it’s a song that many artists can relate to, and has a very rock ’n’ roll feel so that audience members kind of get going when they hear it. Lolita: Yeah—I’ve always got the guys requesting more “Plugging Away.” *** PREACHER JACK (Preacher Jack): One of my best songs (truth be told, I only wrote a handful in my “career”) is my ode to life, “Celebration of the Spirit.” I wrote it in the early ’80s as a tribute to my sobriety and as a reaffirmation of my love affair with Jesus Christ. I had been sober for only a short while at the time but felt grateful that I had survived those many nights when I wasn’t seeing life so clearly. As I’ve said many times I gave up the King of Beers for the King of Kings and I thank the Lord I did! *** DAVE TREE (Tree/ DrugWar/ SuperPower):  “Question Abuse” was a song I wrote the words to on a table top in the atrium of the School of the Museum of Fine Arts, I was raging against that TV showCops, and how it conditioned and brainwashed the public into accepting police brutality.  The lyrics flowed freely from my marker to the table top, that very night at band practice. Ooze E One came up with the riff, I matched up the lyric, and we wrote the whole song in an hour. I think it’s one of the best songs I’ve been a part of. *** MR. CURT (MC4):  Most songwriters always have a few songs that resonate, but never get around to recording or releasing. This was one of final songs written for The EXI’s, almost 20 years ago (whoa!). It’s called “The Art of Compromise” and deals with that mantra on different levels—personal relationships, work ethics, and social consciousness. Many people need to achieve that zen to avoid bumps or road rage in this fast lane of Life. Fave lines:  “If we lose our morals we fall through the cracks/ To this desperate place and we may never get back/ There’s so much caring all true souls deserve/ We’d make fools of ourselves if the angels need work.” Perhaps, I’ll get to it for my next album. *** MARINA EVANS (singer/songwriter): One of my favorite original songs is “One of Two,” mostly because of its inspiration: you know how those big piles of snow in parking lots start to melt in the spring, and all the sad little objects that got trapped inside over the winter start to appear? Well one day I was watching this happen and noticed a lonely little mitten (just one), all alone on the sidewalk. I wrote “One of Two” for that little mitten—I hope it found its mate! Lolita: Hey—I’m looking for a mate too! *** LARRY BANGOR (Human Sexual Response/ The Zulus):  “Back to Sleep” grew out of a nightmare I had of lying in bed while two friends had awkward sex in the bed next to mine.  One of them, impatient with her partner’s clumsy maneuvers, produced a gigantic machete and beheaded the poor guy.  His head landed on my bed, and I woke up.  When I got around to working out the song with the rest of the Zulus the gory scenario somehow evolved into an uplifting song about moving beyond disillusionment to find hope in the future—or maybe, moving beyond reality to find hope in dreams. *** TIM MUNGENAST (Timworld/ Tim Mungenast & His Preexisting Conditions): One of my best songs is “Tales of Hoffman,” recounting the story of Dr. Albert Hoffman riding his bicycle home from work after accidentally dosing himself with this experimental drug he was working on… later known as LSD. We’ve played this one several times in concert and it is going to be included on our long-delayed album Goat of Many Colors. It’s a corker, if I say so myself. Lolita: Corker? Yeah, I also get that one. ***  DJ MÄTTHEW GRIFFIN (DJ Mätthew Griffin)/ the Noise): My favorite local song “In Your Dreams” was written and performed by Cathy “Cah” Lillyman in Free Radicals and Musclecah. The song was written to be about “people who think they are so great, you can’t resist them.” Allegorically, I find the song is open to free interpretation and association and can be applied to: a psychotic ex-girlfriend or boyfriend; someone who is cruising for sex; a band member with really poor and unprofessional communicational skills; or shady nightclub employees, who conduct business in a Machiavellian manner. *** FRANK STROM (the Noise): Picking just one song is impossible and not mentioning Evan (Muck & Mires) Shore, who writes the best ones, is pretty darn ridiculous. But just for kicks, I’m gonna go with an oldie—”That’s Why Girls Cry” by the Brood. I love any of those songs where Chris Horne is crying 96 tears ’cause some jackoff has done her wrong… which was something like 95 percent of the entire Brood catalogue! I think that one was on the Vendetta album. Check it out. *** JOEY AMMO (x-Spot Mary): One of my favorite songs is called “Afraid.” I wrote it back in the mid-’90s, during my Birdbrain years with TVT, but they never used it. It’s about the domestic abuse of women in homes across America, and the extremely dangerous escalation of those conditions. I come from this type of family background and always felt it was important to have a voice in this matter. Misogyny should no longer be tolerated in our society. *** JAY ALLEN (…& the Archcriminals): My favorite lyric from a song called “I Met Her at the Track.” “Just as far as lovers go/ I’m hardly a race track Romeo/ But a lucky shot from Cupid’s dart/ There goes swifty with my heart.” Lolita: Jay, that is so sweet. Is that about when you saw ME at the track?  *** KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold): One of the songs that we like to play is our tune called “My Favorite Titty Bar.” It’s upbeat and fun and for some odd reason, the ladies seem to love it. Lolita: Yeah Kier—I remember when you took me to one of those places. I didn’t like it much at first, but that changed quickly when all those guys started shoving dollar bills at me.

Rita: Well, we tricked you into reading our whole column once again. Notice how many musicians answered my question? Lolita: Maybe they did—but look who’s got all the dollar bills! See you in June with a sexy tune! Rita: And remember—keep working on your NEMIQ—there will be a test!


Rita & Lolita — 2 Comments

  1. I would like to take a bow and thank everyone for coming to my shows, especially the folks out in Wormtown USA, drink at Ralph’s and live forever!