Rita & Lolita


Rita: Let’s make a pact that we will all try to improve everyone’s quality of life. Let’s make kindness a priority. Encourage people to create. Follow your dreams. Lolita: How ’bout just making one person happy. Like… me. I mean, why not? I like to be happy. I’m much prettier when I’m happy. And that seems to make other people happy. So right now I’ve decided to start a contest for people to send something into the Noise (besides money—or your latest CD) that will make me happy. The person that makes me the happiest will win something so good, I can’t put it in print.


Rita: From beautiful Martha’s Vineyard we have the lovely (inside and out) KATE TAYLOR sharing wonderful moments as part of New England’s Music Royalty. Right behind her is the talented singer/songwriter THEA HOPKINS.  In the print issue you also get ELI POLANSKI—a brilliant radio DJ for as long as the Noise has been around. And THE DEJAS were named Salem, MA’s favorite band. Those are the features. Explore a little more and you’ll find CD reviews, live reviews, Pet of the Month (in print only), Rock School, Don’t Give Up the Ship, and more. If you have any New England music news, make sure you let us know about it. Lolita: I don’t know what happened. Last month the President was sending me an email every day. I really thought we had something special going. Then around November 8 I stopped hearing from him. He dumped me like chicken liver. But then, that is my Native American name. Maybe I was lost in the thrill of such an important man flirting with me behind his wife’s back. A friend told me he did the same thing to Scarlet Johansson. The weird part is that he always asked me for money. Maybe he’s bugging some other intelligent beautiful woman now because I didn’t give out. After all, I am only a gossip columnist for a rock ’n’ roll rag. If someone can explain what he’s up to, I’d appreciate it. Call me Crushed Chicken Liver.


Rita: While Crushed Chicken Liver licks her wounds, or makes pâté, I’ll create some holiday atmosphere by asking my friends if they know any little-known facts about Santa Claus.  DAVE TREE (Tree/ Drugwar/ Superpower): The Artist Thomas Nast created the image of what we consider to be Santa, the fat jolly elf with a pipe in his mouth wearing white-trimmed fur and a twinkle in his eye are all from Mr. Nast, who also created the image of Uncle Sam and the elephant for the Republican party and the donkey for the Democrats among other images, so much of what we consider traditions and icons came from one artist’s imagination over 100 years ago. *** BILL GOFFRIER (Big Dipper): Santa Claus’ name, legend has it, was used as NASA code for UFO. When sighted by NASA astronauts, they reported it as a “Santa Claus” to Mission Control. Big Dipper’s new album features such a clip from the Apollo 8 mission. *** MICHAEL J. EPSTEIN (…Memorial Library/ Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling/ Darling Pet Munkee/ Space Balloons): “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” is an anagram of “A Galactic Snow Motions Nuts,” proving without a doubt, that Santa is an alien. *** MELVERN TAYLOR (… & the Fabulous Meltones): Not many people know that Santa Claus was a founding member of Molly Hatchet. *** MICHAEL BERNIER (Evolvement Radio/ Freevolt): Santa Claus is a hippie. *** GEORGE HALL (Kingsley Flood/ Weisstronauts/ Moose & the Mudbugs): I don’t know how many of you know this, I only found out a few years ago, when my parents explained it to me, but Santa Claus is actually my Dad.  Weird, I know.  I still have no idea how he got around to the rest of the neighborhood, or why some of my friends always seemed to get cooler stuff than I did… but I’m over that stuff now.  I mean, pretty much.*** A.J. WACHTEL (Future Gynecologist): When I was about 10, my mother and my aunt took me and my cousins (three little Jewish kids) to Saks Fifth Avenue Dept. Store to see Santa Claus. I questioned Santa in my loud no-respect-for-authority soprano voice, “Remember me from last year at Macy’s?” I didn’t know there were many different Santas. Another Vatican scam.  *** MARK KAYE (HearNowLive): In 1888 Santa Claus fell down a chimney in Ozark, MS and killed a cat named Poodles. *** VALERIE KAHN-DORATO (Time Tunnel): Santa Claus and Ethel Merman had a love child and that child was David Bowie! Yes, THAT David Bowie! Lolita: Mrs. Claus will be a broken woman when she hears this news.


Rita: A little music news and a lotta things to do to make your holiday season more entertaining. Moog Music is releasing a 10th anniversary 24 karat gold Minimoog Voyager. Only 31 will be made (30 available to the public). *** Master sound engineer BILL WINN has released a book written specifically to help musicians understand the basics of sound and stage monitoring. Check out A Musician’s Complete Guide to Sound—available on Amazon. *** ROGER MILLER (Mission of Burma/ Alloy Orchestra/ Binary System) criticized MOBY in Entertainment Weekly magazine for changing the lyrics to “Revolver” for MTV. *** HEATHER MALONEY joined the ranks of JOSH RITTER and CHRIS SMITHER by getting signed to Signature Sound. *** DANIEL SCHUBMEHL, drummer for JAGGERY was rushed to the hospital right before a big show and tour. *** Photographer KELLY DAVIDSON continues her series on Rock ’n’ Roll Parents (part 5) with an opening at Q Division Studios in Somerville, MA, on Friday, January 25. *** And now for the holiday events coming up—Over at the Midway on Friday, 12/7, THE WEISSTRONAUTS host their 14th annual Holiday Jubilee. *** The play Bad Girls Upset by the Truth features some of our favorite Boston muscians—PETER MOORE (Count Zero), AD FRANK (Lifestyle), LISA McCOLGAN (Scrapple), and many  more.  At Johnny D’s on Tuesday and Wednesday, 12/11 and 12/12. *** CHANDLER TRAVIS throws his annual Boston Christmas Cavalcade Benefit for the Homeless with CHANDLER TRAVIS PHILHARMONIC, LIVINGSTON TAYLORBARRENCE WHIT-FIELDRAY MASON, and a cast of zillions. All at Johnny D’s on Thursday, 12/13. *** On Saturday, 12/15, Arts at the Armory (Somerville, MA) h0sts their 2nd Annual Snow Ball featuring four band, including SÓ SOL. *** Then on Sunday, 12/16, HARRY & THE POTTERS shine their 8th Annual Yule Ball at the Middle East Downstairs. *** On Santa’s chimney-to-chimney delivery day (Christmas Eve) you can experience the 30th anniversary of Caroling with JULIE DOUGHERTY at the Hawthorne Hotel in Salem, MA, from 4-7pm. *** THE MIGHTY MIGHTY BOSSTONES fling their Hometown Throwdown at House of Blues on 12/29 through December 31. *** First Night in Boston started on New Year’s Eve 1976 with the idea of an event where the consumption of alcohol would be banned. One of the highlights of First Night 2013 is THE MAGNETIC FIELDS at Symphony Hall. *** How ’bout checking out the Nutcracker this year at the Opera House, throughout December—it’s not just a ballet—you get the music of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. *** But before we get too reverent—we have the choice of attending something more suited to Lolita’s taste—the Slutcracker at the Somerville Theatre—also throughout December. *** And if you haven’t seen BLUE MAN GROUP at the Charles Playhouse (throughout December), you’re missing one whacked-out rockin’ creative show. *** The ULTRASONIC ROCK ORCHESTRA plays every Saturday* in December at the Regent theatre in Arlington, MA (*except 12/8, at the Norwood Theatre). *** Punks for a Princess in Providence, RI, have announced their 1st Annual Punk Rock Plunge—yes, we’re talking about jumping in the freezing Altlantic Ocean on January 1st. It’s all to benefit the family of Angelina Rose Cox who was recently diagnosed with severe Spinal Muscular Atrophy. *** In Gloucester they do the same sort of thing—but it’s just for the bragging rights throughout the rest of the year—brag away VICKIE VAN NESS (Gimmesound.com)!


Rita: Let’s stick with the family to increase the harmonious feeling of the holidays. Step right up and tell me something about your favorite aunt or uncle.  JOEY AMMO(Spot Mary): I will never forget my Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Charlie growing up. They were my champions—loving me, teaching me, and protecting me always. I turned out just like them: a diabetic chain smoker who eats whatever he wants. *** KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold): It’s a four-way tie for my favorite uncle. Though most people may not see it, Uncle Ronny, is the funniest guy you’ll ever meet.  Uncle Tom from Chicago is so smart that he has more letters after his name than in his entire name. Uncle John from Miami once was featured in a cover story of the Weekly World News tabloid, titled “Woman saved by Act of God!” and lastly, Uncle Tom from Connecticut, despite, his awful jokes, knows how to make the best waffles. *** SHANE KINNEY (Drum Center of Portsmouth): My uncle is merchandise manager for touring bands. He has got me into many concerts and I have been lucky enough to meet many of my musical idols because of it! Having this job also means he is on the road often, so I do not get to see him too often.  We keep in touch via email as much as possible.  Even though I can go months without seeing him, we still stay in touch and on occasion he will invite me out to a show with my little brother—it is always a great time! *** MICHAEL P. AROIAN (Elsewhere): My uncle Harry from Orlando was my favorite uncle because he just wouldn’t suck anybody’s socks. He walked around shirtless with his beer gut hanging out all the time and was a player on many different levels. Examples include marrying the heir to a paper company and during WWII stealing my father’s identity to enlist in the Army at age 16. At the end of the war he outranked my dad! He smoked, he talked about chicks, and he let me drive his river boat. Answering this question I realize that I get my rock ’n’ roll from my Uncle Harry! I miss him. *** SLIMEDOG (Thrashnbang): My favorite uncle was my Uncle Buzzy. He was a bright guy; well-read and being one hundred percent Irish, he also liked to drink. He would take me for walks with him when I was quite young and we’d stop into a tavern. These were my first times in one, and while he had his whiskey and beer, I had potato chips and Coke. I remember thinking what a great place it was that you get potato chips and soda! I’ve spent a lot of my life in bars and I owe it all to Buzzy. Cheers! Lolita: Good to hear from you. How’s Mrs. Slimedog and your cat?


Rita: Musical chairs is where you learn who’s playing in what band—or who’s booking which club, or who really took that photo on the cover of last issue. CALEB SCOFIELD and STEVE BRODSKY of CAVE IN have joined with AARON HARRIS to form ZOZOBRA. *** Guitarist CHAD RALEIGH (Trucker Mouth) has joined THE RATIONALES. *** KOSEI FUKUYAMA (Tokyo Tramps) has returned to Japan, and rehearsals in Boston have been tough. So the band has taken on their sixth drummer—JUNGO KANG from Korea. Lolita: That still seems like quite a long commute. *** RAY BRADY (formerly of Perks in Norwood) is now booking the Paradise Cafe in Dedham. *** THE SINCLAIR is a new club in Cambridge (52 Church Street) with a 525 capacity. It is part of a network of clubs that include Royale, Great Scott, and T.T. the Bear’s. *** Lolita: And lastly, we (read: T Max) credited the unibrow photo of Human Sexual Response to the wrong photographer—TERI BLOOM took that cover photo on the November issue of the Noise.


Rita: I like birds. So I want to know what other people have to say about birds.  COWBOY MACH BELL (Bag O’ Nails): I am engaged in a prolonged battle vs. a great blue heron. Some years ago I dug a pond in my garden. I raise snails, frogs, and fish. Come springtime, the great blue heron invades and I go to war. I have employed flashing lights, music, decoy heron, netting, elevated fishing line and scarecrow dummies to fend off this wildlife-devouring, Rodan-like creature. *** CARL BIANCUCCI (Classic Ruins): Don’t you know about the bird? ’Cause everybody knows that the bird is the word! Sorry, couldn’t resist. *** JOE CARDOZA (Bandit Kings): One time I sat upon the back porch and whistled the cartoon wolf whistle at the birds until they sang it back to me. It took hours and yet to this day no one believes me. *** LINDA VIENS (Adam&Eve):  We have two adorable parakeets: Sky and Green Bean. They normally sing and chatter constantly, especially when we are in the room, talking, playing music, etc. Recently I decided to meditate in the living room instead of outside. They were singing away as I placed my pillow on the floor. As soon as I sat down and closed my eyes, they grew completely silent, and stayed that way until the timer went off 30 minutes later! They knew and were in communion! *** PAUL HANSEN (the Grownup Noise): As I stumbled into some club on 52nd Street, I could swear my eyes met directly with “Bird” Parker’s.  Man, Bird was so on that night I could cry.  It was as though God was trying to speak to me through his playing. But I couldn’t make out the message before I passed out in my chair. The next thing I remember the club is empty and Parker is gently waking me up. Then he jams his fist into my jaw.  Back to sleep. Later I find out that I had taken home his lady one evening.  That’s my Bird story.  Sadly, my only one. *** KEN FIELD (Revolutionary Snake Ensemble/ Agachiko): While Birdsongs of the Mesozoic was on tour in Hawaii in the ’90s we did a concert at a somewhat remote location on the Big Island.  Driving there at night (before GPS’s) was confusing and a little disconcerting—we weren’t sure we were going the right way.  We were pretty blown away when a huge owl appeared in the moonlight and led us and our van down the right road to our destination. Very intense. *** LARRY BANGOR (Human Sexual Response): After my boyfriend rescued a baby blue jay that had fallen from its nest, he became obsessed with birds, and within a year our apartment had become an aviary.  We had four large parrots (including a neurotic one that had plucked out all but its head feathers—he looked like a chicken ready to be roasted), fig parrots, several hummingbirds, many lovebirds, bower birds, a tanager, a tern, and a pigeon Pat McGrath gave us.  It was a nightmare.  Near-constant shrieking, the walls splattered with bird food, incubators for the babies, etc., but I do have fond memories of showering with the parrots. *** NIKI LUPARELLI (Niki Luparelli & the Gold Diggers/ the Steamy Bohemians/ Quiet Desperation): I know that lovebirds carry chlamydia, but try explaining that to your wife. Ba dump bum. Also, did you know armadillos carry leprosy? Don’t bang an armadillo or you’ll be telling him to keep the tip. Hiyoooo! *** PETER GOUTZOS (El Seven): My bass player John Cagnina and I were having a hard time finding a lead guitar player so I took out my buffalo jaw and abalone shell and burned sage while we prayed. Within 20 minutes a little hawk landed on the telephone wires in front of my porch. The hawk came back three days in a row. Shortly after that, Johnny Del, who I knew from the old days at the Rat when I was in the Vinnie Band, got a hold of me on Facebook. I knew he was a great guitar player. He’s been playing with us ever since.Rita: Listen to nature. Treat nature with respect. Lolita: That reminds me of a short story I’d like to end with. When I was growing up THE VAGRANTS (LESLIE WEST’s early band) released “Respect”—a great rock tune that climbed the charts to #30. The following week, ARETHA FRANKLIN released a soulful version of the same song. It went to the top of the charts and the Vagrants’ song was never heard on the radio again. Rita: Thank you for that interesting but unrelated story. We’ll be back in print in February. Check our website in January for new content. Have a great holiday, and remember that music is a wonderful gift that can lasts forever.

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