Lolita: May
day, May day! Where are all the orders for my terrific new product,
Thought of Lolita
™?! Rita: Well, the one guy who
bought the right to think about you has made illegal copies and is selling
them at discount. Lolita: I’ll show him! I’m going to take
my product off the market and then if I notice anyone thinking about
me, I’ll know that they bought it from him. I’ll drag him and all
his customers into court. Rita: Okay, while Lolita is “courting”
the general public, I’ll come up with a down to earth question of
the month. Let’s find out about everyone’s prized T-shirts.



Rita: There’s
Kristen, that cello-playing diva who employs Lolita as a cleaning lady.
Would you please describe your favorite T-shirt—KRISTEN MILLER
(Kristen Miller): From Trashy Diva in New Orleans, a babydoll shirt
with a picture of two women catfighting. And yes, it actually says Trashy
Diva on it. And no, Rita, you cannot borrow it. Rita: Borrow
it?! I was going to catfight you for it! Hair pulling is my favorite
catfight tactic—and those full red locks of yours are an easy target.
*** JON MACEY (Fox Pass/ Adam&Eve): When I was quite young
and very impressionable, mixing puberty with chemicals and missing crucial
socialization processes, I was immersed in the music of the early Mothers
of Invention. I now possess a Freak Out T-shirt of the cover
of their first album. I only wear it at certain times, so if you see
me with it on, something must be up. You can view it on YouTube in the
Fox Pass video of “Hurry Cherie.” *** CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMBR/
WMFO): Favorite T-shirt? Back in the ’80s, I had two. One was the
Dead Kennedys, with a design of Christ on the cross. The cross was made
out of money. The other was the locally produced “Arts for a New Nicaragua,”
which featured an artist with a paint brush in the foreground, a volcano
in the background and an array of colors. Recently, I was given a John
Lennon T-shirt, which features his image over a rising sun. Yeah, he
might even go back further then the Dead Kennedys, but his message is
timeless. *** EDRIE (Walter Sickert & the Army of Broken
Toys): I love any T-shirts with unicorns or rainbows on them—preferably
one with both! *** MELVERN TAYLOR (…& His Fabulous
Meltones): Hanes makes the best T-shirts. Instead of a tag they just
print the tag related info on the inside of the shirt (pure genius)
and recently they developed a new “lay flat” collar technology.
They are fantastic. While we are discussing T-shirts, I need to point
out that no one should ever wear V-neck T-shirts. They are gross. ***
(Full Body Anchor): My favorite T-shirt
is a green Sloan T-shirt that I got at their first American performance
at the Paradise in ’93. The shirt has the copy of an actual bill printed
on the front of it. The bill is from a club to the band for the cost
of two SM-58 microphones. The reason stated for the bill? “Destroyed
by band on stage during performance.” Brilliant. *** DAVID AVERY
(Powderfinger Promotions): I recently saw my new fave T-shirt on a young
woman that simply said “SILF,” with a picture of a good-looking Sandwich.
Get it? SILF, as in MILF? Yeah, it’s kind of weird, but also funny
in a twisted way. *** LEESA COYNE (Naked on Roller Skates): Really
beat up yet still a little bit girlie, kind of like me. Like you went
mud wrestling in it or something. Rita: I like it when someone
answers the exact question we asked. Leesa, you’re a good listener.
*** RYAN LEE CROSBY (Ryan Lee Crosby/ Faces on Film): My favorite
T-shirt was a cheap Raw Power ringer that got destroyed in the wash.
The iron-on picture of the album cover had cracked from the dryer and
over time, it came off of the shirt piece by piece. I really enjoyed
watching the image of Iggy deteriorate. I bought this shirt in New York
City while on tour with Cancer to the Stars in 2002. We had just played
CBGB for the first time and the punk spirit was surging through me.
Like so many rockers, this T-shirt died young, but its memory lives
on in my heart. *** STEVE GAETZ (Bedlam Productions): My favorite
T-shirt says, “My band got trashed in the Noise.” It is my favorite
because it shows personal growth, who cares what assholes like A.J.
Wachtel or Brett Milano have to say about anything. It shows a sense
of humor about myself, which in the music business is paramount, and
it feeds my ego because people have to know who you are in order to
dislike you. Zen growth and a public declaration of success—how could
it get any better? *** CORIN ASHLEY (Corin Ashley Rock Band):
I just got a great T-shirt with a still from Withnail and I on
it—it’s yellow and has Richard Grant leaning out of the Jag yelling,
“Scrubbers!”—what a fabulous movie.*** ANDY MILK (the Vital
Might): I probably should like some sort of ironic T-shirt of a fictional
sports team, a bodega in Indianapolis, or New Coke, but my favorite
T-shirt is one I got a Marshall’s in a hurry. I had a show and nothing
but beachwear, so I needed an outfit that was a little more rockin’.
I got sneakers, jeans, and a T-shirt for less than $50. Every other
part of the outfit has been worn out and donated or thrown away. The
shirt (black with a stylized word “Truth” on the front) is still
my go-to before any others. *** SHAUN WOLF WORTIS
(Vudu Krewe): For years and years I had a Clash T-shirt from a show
at the Bond Theater in N.Y.C. in 1981. Not only did it look cool, and
remind me of a great show, but it was actually quite comfortable. Wore
that thing until it literally disintegrated. I miss that shirt. ***
(The Michael J. Epstein Memorial Library/ Do
Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling): My partner-in-crime, Sophia Cacciola,
made me a T-shirt many years ago that says “Goodbye Blue Monday,”
a phrase I know from Kurt Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions.
According to the book, blue Monday originally referred to the obligation
of women to hand-wash their laundry every Monday. It has been used more
recently to describe the most depressing day of the year, which is said
to fall on the Monday of the last full week of January. *** HEATHER
(Heather Maloney): My favorite T-shirt has yet to be made.
It would say: “And I don’t even have any cake!” *** WILL DAILEY
(Will Dailey): A Dirty Three concert T-shirt that is over eight years
old. The armpits are like sheet rock and the dashing little bird artwork
that used to be on the shirt is flightless. *** MR. CURT (MC3):
An impossible answer but easy to survey (almost like a record collection).
For a while, local artist Ken Brown, issued a series of T-shirts with
witty juxtaposition of titles and characters. For example, Madonna
and Child
features the pop singing vixen-virgin cradling the half-size
culinary queen, Julia Child, who is holding a steamy dish of goodness.
Well now, since that came to mind so easily, let’s make that my momentary
fave. And so so it goes!*** ROB GARRETT (the Dormers): My favorite
T-shirt is a green alien workshop shirt. In its second decade of life;
it remains hidden in my house, away from a wife that doesn’t believe
in lucky shirts or vintage clothing. Only worn on special occasions
of my choosing and always met with a promise to seek and destroy it
from my better half. *** IAN CLARK (With A Bullet/ Razors in
the Night/ the 360’s): One that has holes to put your head through
and your arms through. *** CURT HANIG (Before the Crash): My
favorite T-shirt is one from my favorite little bar in Ozona, Florida
called Molly Goodheads. It has a gorgeous mermaid on the front, and
on the back is says proudly, “The liver is Evil… It must be punished!”
I could not agree more. *** PETER RINNIG (QRST’s): I own a
T-shirt printing company and have about 400 shirts—but two shirts
come to mind. 1) I have a Stiff Little Fingers shirt from about three
years ago that we printed for one of their North American tours. Really
faded, very comfortable. Always gets comments when I wear it. 2) I have
about half a dozen Rat shirts—black and white. (QRST’s has the official
license to reproduce them). All faded, all nicely worn in. Their are
lots of runner ups for favorite shirts—several Neighborhoods shirts,
a Blackjacks shirt from about two years ago, a Bosstones shirt from the
very first Hometown Throwdown autographed from Dicky himself (I don’t
wear this one anymore, but one of my favorites…) Now for a plug—if
you NEED a favorite shirt to have of your own—call QRST’s—we can
print anything you need! Lolita: We do all our T-shirt printing
at QRST’s because Peter is the man.


Rita: While
Lolita tries on all of Peter’s T-shirts, I’ll deliver the news.
This first piece I am very excited about. Last month’s cover boy
is finally bringing back his extraordinary portrayal
of the lead role in Hedwig & the Angry Inch. There is a string
of shows at the Space gallery in Portland, Maine on May 13, 14, 19,
20, and 21. Keep an eye out for more shows throughout New England. ***
(Super Zero) is one of the stars on Death Wish
, a reality show on the Travel Channel. *** WAAF and Cabo Wabo Tequila have a lttle contest going with local bands’ MP3s. Look for the rules on WAAF’s contest page. The grand prize is $1000 of merch at Daddy’s Junky Music. *** Episode three
of Tiny Yellow House (our favorite YouTube show) has a lot of
acoustic jamming between DEEK and BILL BRAKEN
(Age Against the Machine)—the point of the show is small drums to
use in small places. *** Check out what AOL is doing to boost local
news. The project is called Patch—check out www.patch.com and search
for the area you are interested in. Longtime Boston area journalist
recently previewed our 30th anniversary party
at the Midway. *** Lolita: You know we only review bands that
are based in New England. This sometimes irritates bands looking for
press from outside the region. Little did we know how much we offended
a Californian black metal band that decided to call themselves KILL
THE NOISE. Look, we’re willing to reconsider a review!


Rita: While
Lolita fights off the threats from California, I’m going to offer
up a less conventional question. Lolita: Wait a second. I’m
not going to waste any of my time on a Californian band. How ’bout
discuss the details of your most horrible date? Rita: No that’s
too common for you—go ask folks to make up a story about a city, town,
or neighborhood in New England based on its name. SLIMEDOG (the
): My town is Hyde Park, most people think it’s from a town
in England—it’s where the Rolling Stones had their first concert
with Mick Taylor when he had replaced Brian Jones (who had died shortly
before this show). They dedicated the show to Brian, and Jagger recited
a poem by Shelley (not Lenny from Darkbuster’s wife) and released
butterflies into the air that had already died in their boxes. Actually,
my town is named after a cousin of mine whose name was Hyde Park, he
is credited with being the inventor of angel dust. Every spring we have
the Angel Dust Festival where young children dressed as angel dust joints
parade along with marching bands playing songs by Jimi Hendrix, Pink
Floyd, and the Grateful Dead. The highlight is when Mayor Menino is
rolled in a large white piece of paper and his nose hairs are set aflame—it
is truly festive. *** SARAH BLACKER (Sarah Blacker): A group
of Italians crossed the Atlantic Ocean and settled in a mountainous
mid-western part of Massachusetts. They began growing and harvesting
onions, peppers, garlic, and brewing the first forms of root beer made
from sassafras root. On the first of November, folks from Athol, MA
were invited to town for a meal consisting of these things only, to
aid the townspeople in choosing a name for their new homestead. Throughout
the meal, everyone was burping heartily, enjoying the diverse and gastrointestinally
pleasing tastes. The meal concluded, and the town was still sans name.
The mayor let out a hearty burp as he bid his Atholian guests goodbye,
only to hear their mayor respond, “Your belches are your fate and
fortune. This town is to be called Belchertown.” Rita: I really
thought you were going somewhere with the Athols. *** CHRISTOPHER
(the Difference Engine): It is a well-known fact that the
esteemed swine portrait painter Gustav McGillicutty first set up shop
in the expanse west of Boston. He called his gallery and the town FramingHam.
*** KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold): One day Paul Revere was
fleeing Boston, trying to get away from the British, when he hit the
Charles River. It was too far for him to swim, so he scouted out for
a bridge. He eventually came across the Mass. Ave. bridge, where he
was able to successfully cross and escape. When he made it to the other
side, he declared that land “Cambridge,” in tribute to the bridge
he came across, which prevented him from a swift trip to the gallows.
And the name stuck. Rita: Kier, that’s a little hard to believe
since that bridge was built 157 years after Paul Revere died. I just
happened to know that offhand, but with a little research I found that
the actual name of the Mass. Ave. bridge is the Harvard Bridge. Lolita:
Then what’s the name of the bridge that goes over to Harvard Square
on JFK Street? Rita: That’s the Anderson Memorial Bridge, also
known as the Larz Anderson Bridge. Lolita: But Larz Anderson
Park is in Brookline. Rita: What can I say?—the guy got around.
Next month we’ll discuss the Salt and Pepper Bridge and the designer
of Boston’s Emerald Necklace, Frederick Law Olmsted.


Lolita: Soon
we’ll be publishing our own guide to famous Boston landmarks for the
tourists. We’ll also have to explain to them that musical chairs is
our way of keeping track of musicians in the never-ending scrambling
of bands. NATE ROGERS (Scamper) fronts a new band called
(drums/vocals), SCOTT BAERENWALD (bass/vocals),
and GARY SOPRANO (guitar/vocals). They’re playing on May 21
at the Magic Room. *** Whilst THE BIG DISAPOINTMENTS are on semi-permanent
extended hiatus ERIC BOOMHOWER and ANDY ABRAHAMSON have
joined with COLIN ASQUITH to form ROYAL WEDDING. *** After 11
years and 185 gigs, TRISTAN DA CUNHA will do its final show on May 7th
at PA’s Lounge. *** AD FRANK’s FAST EASY WOMEN play
their final show on June 3 at T.T.’s. *** SUGAR DISH (the
), the ELEPHANT TANGO ENSEMBLE, and members of Boston
Underground Film Festival have collided to create the Bent Wit Cabaret:
. *** THE WHISKEY BOYS are a duo featuring DAVID DELANEY
arguably Boston’s best drummer) is now part of FACE OF THE SUN.
: I guess I’d have to say this band is hot!


Rita: Elected
politicians are our public servants—but sometimes that’s hard to
believe. Tell us about a politician that impresses you. LINDA VIENS
(Angeline/ Adam & Eve): Barack Obama impresses me. Though I don’t
agree with every policy or decision he makes and I am much further to
the left than he is, it is a tremendous psychic and emotional relief
to have the country I am from represented and led by a person who has
gravitas, grace, self-awareness, authentically kind intentions and a
loving/caring heart. *** STEEV RICCARDO (Red Car Records): Debbie
Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) impresses me not only because she is an extremely
intelligent woman and knows the issues but she is also very easy to
look at! *** NICOLE TAMMARO (Nicole Tammaro Photography): Mitt
Romney. After serving as governor, he left our state coffers in the
black. *** KAREN DiBIASSE (Girl On Top): Alex Jones—www.infowars.com.
He seems to tell the truth and fights the good fight more intensely
than anyone else. *** A.J. WACHTEL (Golden Joe Baker Fan): Sarah
Palin’s chest impresses me the most because she is the only candidate
I would personally fornicate, and although it would be a step down for
me I feel that lowering the bar would be my patriotic duty. In bed,
if she started to talk, I could stick something in her mouth and agreeably
end the diversity. Isn’t this really what the founding fathers had
in mind when they wrote the Constitution? *** MICKEY BLISS (the
Cantab): Obama—although his international politics are not that different
the George W’s, his rhetoric is much kinder and gentler. *** CHELSEA
(Chelsea Berry): The modern day political figure who impresses
me the most is Theresa Obermeyer (based out of Alaska). Even when politically
inactive, her presence is felt. Since what seems like forever, she has
been running for governor, for a Senate seat, you name it. The woman
is terrifying. She is known in Alaska mostly because of her crazy debating
m.o. and the fact that her husband (Tom Obermeyer) has failed the Alaska
bar 33 times. Thirty-three times! Here’s the funny part: I
sang for a gathering she organized when I was eight. I didn’t know
any better at the time. Rita: Sounds to me like Theresa Obermeyer
doesn’t impress you at all as a politician. Chelsea: Depends
on the definition of the word “impress.” I suppose she’s certainly
left an “impression.” Rita: Okay, I looked it up and you
are correct. The definition of impress is “to affect strongly, often
favorably.” Because it includes the word “often” implies that
sometimes it’s not favorably. I love learning new things! Chelsea:
Well, she’s a nutjob. That’s clear.


Rita: It’s a great time of the season to take in the amazing talent in New England. Here are some exceptional shows… AL JANIK’S PLASTYCZNY SER ORKESTRA offer polkas and Polish cuisine on Saturday, 5/7, at the Polish American Citizens Association, 747 Cambridge St., Cambridge, MA). *** Same night HAVE NOTS have a new CD at the Middle East. *** HEATHER MALONEY releases Time & Pocket Change at Toad on Thursday, 5/12 (7:00 pm). *** COUNT ZERO presents Never Be Yourself, at the Lizard Lounge on Friday, 5/13. *** Saturday, 5/14, PERSIAN BLUE deliver their CD at Johnny D’s. *** Same night, at the Lizard Lounge, THE RATIONALS release their CD. *** Zippah Recording compilation #9 is delivered at T.T.’s on Tuesday, 5/17. *** On Wednesday, 5/18, ERIN HARPE & THE DELTA SWINGERS play authentic blues at Johnny D’s. *** PAPAS FRITAS reappears at the Rhumb Line on Thursday, 5/19. *** ANGELINE appears at Precinct on Saturday, 5/21. *** Same night T MAX performs his one-man folk-rock opera Why Do We Go to War at the Byfield Performing Art Center. *** One more item for 5/21—NICK MORSE (Steve Morse's son) shows his art at the Cambridge Art Council's Open Studios at 93 Harvey St. (near Alewife) in N. Cambridge. Nick's show will be there the following day too. *** On Thursday, 5/26, THE CARS return to the House of Blues. *** THE CLASSIC RUINS do it right at the Cantab on Saturday, 5/28. Rita: We love you! Lolita: She loves you! I love the music. Rita: I love the music, too!


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