OUR EYES ON YOU: April 2010

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Lolita: Now, I know everyone is getting excited about
showing off their spring wardrobe.
Rita: And think of all the new material that songwriters
have fretted over during the long New England winter. They’re anxious
for you to hear their fresh creations.
Lolita: So put on your spring best and get out there
to socialize. Go see your favorite performers.
Rita: Lolita, do you have a Question of the Month
in your back pocket?
Lolita: Well, let me see if I do. Why, yes, it says,
no fat ice cream, lipstick, birdfood…
Rita: That’s not a Question of the Month. Lolita:
No, it’s my April Fool’s Day joke on you.
Rita: What an awful joke. It’s not even funny. Lolita:
Well, tell me something that is.
Rita: Exactly! That will be our Question of the
Month.
Lolita: So now you do like my shopping list? Rita:
No, go run down to Mass. Ave. and ask everyone, what’s the best April
Fool’s joke you’ve ever heard or experienced?
 
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APRIL IS FOR FOOLS

Lolita: Hey, Linda—you look terrific, darling.
Tell me what is the best April Fool’s joke you’ve ever heard or
experienced?
LINDA VIENS (Angeline): I have wonderful memories of creating
a completely “foolish” dinner with my mom and sibs for my dad on
April Fool’s Day: cat food meat loaf, soap bubble mashed potatoes,
grass spinach, and being SO excited to watch his reaction as he “dug
in” to his delicious meal. Too funny!
Lolita: How long did it take for your dad to realize
it was a joke meal?
Linda: Heehee… oh you know… I’m pretty sure
he played along for QUITE a while. ***
ZAC
TAYLOR
(…& the Drugs/
Three Day Threshold): April 1, 1996, my mother was driving my brother
and I to school listening to 99X, our alternative rock station in Atlanta
at the time. Everyone’s favorite morning show DJs had apparently been
fired for gross misconduct, and the new DJs were refusing to play Nirvana
because of Kurt and Courtney’s drug use. Everyone in the city was
livid. In reality, our beloved DJs had swapped places with the April
Fool’s DJs in Austin, TX, and were at that moment duping their audience
with the same scoop. A glorious prank, indeed. ***
DAVE
TREE
(SuperPower/ Drugwar/
Tree ): April Fool’s Day is an ancient pagan Irish holiday of fertility.
My grandparents were married on that day in Ireland. To get married
on that day is to bless your new union with children. My mom insisted
on getting married on the same day despite my dad’s efforts to persuade
her on another day. It was tradition. 8 and a half months later I was
the first born child to their union, so in a sense I was the joke on
them. Thanks Mom I love you! ***
TOMMY
TULIP
(Anomopoly/ Nate Wilson
Group): On April 1, 1965, it was reported that the Danish government
was ordering all dogs in the country to be painted white to increase
road safety and dog visibility at night. I do that to my dogs anyway.
***
CORIN ASHLEY (Corin Ashley & His Traveling Band): It’s
no joke, but my favorite April Fool will always be Ronnie Lane, bass
player for the Faces, born on April 1st. He was a criminally underrated
talent who died way too young. ***
CHUCK
U. ROSINA
(WMBR / WMFO): April
Fool’s joke. Ha. I grew up Catholic. But I reformed…
I got over it. In fact, I despise the Catholic church today, and am
on a personal crusade (if I may use that word) to bring it down.
I know I can’t do this alone, but I throw my stones against the evil
empire. To that aim, I created an annual radio show: The April
Fool’s Crucifixion. The show really works best when April Fool’s
and Good Friday are on the same day. That happened twice in recent
decades. I manage to get phone calls from non-reformed Catholics
who find the show offensive. I tell them it’s an April Fool’s
joke. ***
NOLAN SULLIVAN (ITtheverb): One of my favorite April fools
joke of all time was laying down saran wrap on the toilets. Ex-Lax in
an unsuspecting victim’s beverage never hurt but that can get messy quick. I’ve
heard about cups of water above doors for a lighthearted gag, but turning
your high school into a swimming pool always sounded like a blast. ***
BRENDAN HOGAN
(Brendan Hogan): When I was in kindergarten, my witch of a teacher,
Mrs. B., fed me a wax cracker under my assumption that it was a real
snack. I loved crackers. She laughed in my face as I bit into it and
spit it out. It was my introduction to April Fool’s Day, and I will
never forgive her for it! (I still love crackers, and my distaste for
authority figures continues to, uh, wax.) ***
PJ
ASPESI
(Three Day Threshold):
One year I thought I would play a funny joke on my girlfriend. The plan
was to make her breakfast in bed, be super sweet, then drop a bombshell
and break up with her. So I made my famous pancakes, brought her juice
and flowers, waited till she was content, then broke the news. She yelled,
cried, and left. Now I had a quiet day to myself to play video games
and be lazy. Thing is I passed out on the couch and forgot to call her
back to say “April Fool’s.” Oh well, I hear she has a few kids
now.
Lolita: Wow PJ, I guess the joke backfired on you.

MUSIC NEWS

Rita: Okay, I promise that none of the news I will
report will fall under an April Fool’s joke… SEXCOFFEE was awarded
the 2009 Limelight Magazine Live Act of the Year. *** Ultrasonic Rock
Orchestra’s
ALAN WARE has a niece, SIOBHAN
MAGNUS
, who’s made it to
the top 12 (as of this writing) in the latest
American
Idol.
*** What has NICK BLAKEY
been up to since his illness forced him to stop booking Church and playing
in bands? He’s become THE NIGHT RIDAH every Saturday night from 8:00
to 10:00 on WECB (Emerson College). Stream it at http://wecb.emerson.edu/
or tune into 640 AM. ***
ELI
“PAPERBOY” REED
made his
way onto
DARYL HALL’s online live show (episode 27). The show’s
called
Live from Daryl’s
House
and that’s exactly
what it is. *** MISSION HILL played a month long residency at the Hard
Rock Café.
Lolita: Is that really newsworthy? Rita: Well, when the Hard Rock Café is located
in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, it is. *** In March
RICK PISANO
was chosen to be the featured artist of the week on the international
site ReverbNation.
Lolita: Come to think of it, all websites have international
readerships. *** WALTER SICKERT & THE ARMY OF TOYS have recorded
their upcoming CD (
28
Seeds: The Last Radio Show
)
with strings connected to tin cans in a wire forest. *** HAVE NOTS inked
a deal with Paper and Plastick Records (founded by
VINNIE
FIORELLO
of Less Than Jake
and Fueled By Ramen Records)—expect a CD this summer. ***
CORIN ASHLEY
saw Yoko play in Brooklyn in February. Klaus Voorman played on a few
songs with her. Corin got Klaus to sign the pickguard on his Hofner
bass for some good Hamburg mojo. ***
Quiet
Desparation
, YouTube’s most
entertaining sitcom about the Allston art scene, is better than ever
with episode 19. CHIPPAH gets banned from the Noise Board so he starts
his own super duper message board. ***
BEN
FOWLIE
(Camden International
Film Festival/ Constants) has taken over as entertainment coordinator
for Bella Luna Restaurant and the Milky Way Lounge. *** LEADERS LED
of North Andover, MA, won the NCN ’10 Rompetition at the Middle East
beating out six other New England bands. *** EXTREME is releasing their
Take Us Alive live
CD and DVD on Frontiers Records on April 23 in Europe and May 4
in the States. *** In Miami,
SHEA
ROSE
did a photo shoot for
CoverGirl makeup and recorded with producers COOL and DRE. *** VAGIANT
has changed their name to TIJUANNA SWEETHEART—they must be getting
serious about their promotion. *** Transit Music Group signed the hard
rock/ metal act MINDSET X from New Hampshire. ***
THEA
HOPKINS
’ song, “Jesus Is
On the Wire” is included on the recently released Peter, Paul &
Mary CD,
The Prague Sessions. All the songs were recorded with the Czech
National Symphony Orchestra. ***
SETH
GLIER
, a 21 year-old singer/songwriter,
partnered his last tour with the Coats For Kids Foundation to raise awareness
for the organization and collect gently used coats, hats, gloves and
scarves for local school systems. Seth will be returning to Club Passim
on Tuesday, 4/6.
Lolita: I hope Seth’s next tour helps collect bathing
suits because I can’t wait to get into mine.

IMPORTANT DATES

Rita: Lolita, I know a few fellas who’d be interested
in getting into your bathing suit.
Lolita: That reminds me of March 4th,
1982. Okay, I was guilty too.
Peter, do you have a date and event you would like
everyone to know?
PETER
C. JOHNSON
(Peter C. Johnson):
On December 18, 1970 (my 25th birthday), I opened for J. Geils and Van
Morrison at Symphony Hall in Boston. It was a perfect day. ***
KEVIN RHEAULT
(Double Nines): Friday, May 19, 2006 5:45 pm. This is the date and time
that I was hit by a car while riding my bicycle and sustained a fractured
skull. After spending three days in the hospital and then the next few
months recovering I realized I needed to get back into the music world
I was involved with when I was younger. Now I play in a band (Double
Nines) and it’s the best band I’ve ever been in! ***
JIM SULLIVAN
(
Boston Herald/ Phoenix/ jimsullivanink.com): October 1, 1967. The
Red Sox beat the Twins for the second game in a row to win the AL pennant
and me and my parents were there, right field grandstand. When the fans
rushed the field—it was not yet a stupid sports cliché, but unbridled
joy—I looked at my folks and they gave me the nod of approval. I ran
on the field, whooped, hollered, gathered souvenir infield dirt and
grass, stood on the mound. Happiest day of childhood life. ***
BRIAN FLYNN
(the Mayflys): On August 11th, 2006, Hilary Swank appeared
in
Vanity Fair magazine and a man needed some time alone.
Three years later the MayFlys record “Why Can’t You Be More Like
Hilary Swank?” and the man wonders why he is still alone. You set
the bar too high, Hilary. ***
SAMMY
MIAMI
(Houndstone): Lonesome
Dave Peverett was born on April 16, 1943. I was born on the same day,
thirty years later. What’s the big deal? Dave and Foghat have always
been a huge influence on me, even before I knew this. I think it’s
really cool that I share my birthday with my idol. Dave passed in 2000
and I’ve since become friends with his family. They’re very supportive
of my music and I’m honored to have such a connection.
Lolita:
You’re a very respectful guy. I like you for that.
Sammy: With that being said, thank you for continuing
to include me in the publication, this too is an honor I greatly appreciate.
Lolita:
Wow, a very respectful guy.

YOU’RE THE
PRESIDENT

Rita: While Lolita tries a new technique in picking
up men, I’ll try another question. A lot of American citizens are
upset that failing corporations got bailed out with taxpayer’s money,
only to see that money then be rewarded to those same corporate heads
in the form of bonuses. You’ve just been elected our president—what
are you going to do about the situation?
TIM
MUNGENAST
(Tim Mungenast &
His Preexisting Conditions): I’d tell the so-called bankers, “Because
you cretins have ruined capitalism, you are hereby sentenced to go back
in time and live as a communist in the Soviet Union, waiting in line
for toilet paper before being sent to a reeducation camp where there
is none.” ***
STEVEN
HAIDAICHUK
(Mindset X): As
president of the United States I would implement the following change
in response to the corporation bail outs: On April 1st of every
calendar year, all employees of corporations who received bail-out money
will be required to watch a full day of repeat episodes of
Dora the Explorer, which has been said to improve social and
problem solving skills. Because, in the end, only children know what’s
best for the society. Swiper, no swiping. ***
RICK
BERLIN
(self): Don’t think
I’d have the tenacity or the patience to run this insane country.
And ya can’t steamroller (dictatorship). I guess all I’d do would
be to hold their noses to the toilet (BAD dog) through the media until
they wise up or vomit into their stuffed shirts. I don’t understand
greed (Mr. Gheko). Maybe because I’ve never experienced “too much”
enough to want more. F**k it—shove their feet in cement and drop ’em
in the tank. ***
PRINCE
BENNY
(Girlfriends): Rock-a-rock-a-rock-a
non-stop tonight uh-huh at the government center. Make the secretaries
feel better when they’re putting all those stamps on the letters.
***
SIMON RITT (the Darlings): Well, If I were president then
I like to think that I’d treat those corporate villains much the same
way that former President George W. Bush treated the terrorists… less blah,
blah, blah—more torture. ***
PETER
MOORE
(Count Zero): No bonuses
should be available to these people in cash, all tied to company stock.
That’s the least we can ask for. Truly, we need to instigate
a progressive salary tax on anyone making over, say, $2m a year in either
salary, bonus, or stock options. They are robber barons,
and their wealth is obscene. ***
MICHAEL
BLOOM
(Tim Mungenast &
his Pre-Existing Conditions): If I were in Obama’s shoes, I’d unleash
Attorney General Holder. It’s known that there was systematic fraud
in the subprime mortgage market, and now it looks like accounting fraud
at Lehman, and God knows where else. Somehow none of the financial class
have had to do perp walks yet, and until that happens, the American
people will believe that, as Dick Durbin says, “they own the place.”
***
PETE CASSANI (The Peasants/ Beefy DC): I would make income
tax progressive in the U.S.. The more you make, the more we take. I’d
go back to the tax rate of FDR who said when wealthy people cry poverty,
just laugh at them. They benefit most from this country so they should
pay more too. I’d also make all charters to corporations subject
to a five-year review. If a corporation were detrimental to the people,
their charter would be revoked and the corporation dismantled so a company
like ExxonMobil would be encouraged not to spill oil all over the world.
If they did, after five years their charter would be revoked. Same with
health insurance companies who refused to pay for people who got sick
under their policies. Same with drug companies that rushed untested
drugs to market, etc.
Rita: Our true enemy is the corporate giants. They
control our politics, our food sources, our health care, our financial
stability, our military involvement, and probably our minds. We must
stick together to override their power.

ALL GOING OUT
TOGETHER

Lolita: Well, we’re all goin’ out together anyway,
SEA MONSTERS are in residency at Precinct every Sunday 10pm in April.
*** BLACK FORTRESS OF OPIUM plays T.T. the Bear’s on Sunday, 4/4.
*** We’ve got a three-day weekend event starting on Thursday 4/8 that
is a tribute/benefit for the late
RAY
NEADES
at Church. Highlights
over the weekend include THE NEIGHBORHOODS, MUCK & THE MIRES, and
THE RUDDS. *** At the Middle East Downstairs, Team Shred presents DIRTY
FEVER on Friday, 4/9. *** BLEU returns to town to play T.T. the Bear’s
on Saturday, 4/10. *** Same night
DJ
MÄTHEW GRIFFIN
will be DJ-ing
an all-ages show with SPINDLE SHANKS at Club Hell in Providence. ***
On Sunday, 4/11, try
Between
Rock & An Art Space
with
a dozen local artist plastering the walls of Church while ASA BREBNER
& FIENDS entertain. *** The CD release party for
Across
Their Universe—Low Budget Records Does the Songs of the Beatles
is at Johnny D’s on Tuesday, 4/13. *** BRETT MILANO
is on the hot end of a roast on Saturday, 4/17, at the Magic Room—
FRANK ROWE
(solo) and THE CLASSIC RUINS are on board for the music section of the
roast. *** CONFRONT releases their new CD at the Middle East on Friday,
4/23. *** Into ’80s hair metal—go to Uncle Eddies to hear 80MPH.
*** On Monday, 4/26,
MIKE
FIORE
(Faces on Film) entertains
at Zuzu. *** On Thursday 4/29, the staged finals of the 32nd
annual WBCN Rumble will be held at Great Scott. HUMANWINE will win.
They already paid off the judges. *** The reunion of the mid-’80s
Allston club Johnny D’s will have lots of your favorite old bands
including MOOSE & THE MUDBUGS. It’s being held at Church
on Saturday, 5/1. *** Same date PARANOID SOCIAL CLUB hits the Portland
City Music Hall.

Lolita:
Now that spring is here, it’s time to get out of the house!
Rita:
See you in the clubs!

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