OUR EYES ON YOU: September 2008

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TWENTY SEVEN YEARS
Lolita: The number 27 is so powerful that a successful Boston band uses it as their name. And as of this month, we can lay claim to completing 27 years of writing our column for the Noise. Rita: Amazing. Lolita—it’s not the 27th anniversary of the Noise—it’s the 27th year of you writing your column. Lolita: What’s your problem? You wrote the column too—well, except for that issue when we walked out on T Max because of the shitty typewriter he made us use. Rita: No, it was because he stopped dating you. Lolita: Okay, but after I hit him over the head with the typewriter, it stopped working. How could we write the column? Rita: To our younger readers, typewriters are those machines that replaced carving letters in stone. Lolita: Yeah, that first issue of the Noise was heavy. Seven 20 lb. slabs of granite chiseled out our premier issue. Distribution was a bitch, but the brontosaurus never complained. Rita: Yeah, those were the days—being dragged around by the hair, not having to worry about an electric bill, and listening to rock music made with real rocks. T Max: Will you two stop romancing the past and come back to 2008. There’s a war going on and our president intends to screw us as many times as he can before he leaves office. Lolita: Was he really in our office trying to screw someone? T Max: Let our friends vent—ask them what they’d like to say to him. Rita: Okay—can we make believe they’re stuck in an elevator with him? T Max: I don’t care where they are. Lolita: But if they weren’t stuck in an elevator with him, he might not be able to hear them over the band. T Max: Okay—they’re in an elevator.

{mospagebreak title=Bush in an Elevator} 

 

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BUSH IN ELEVATOR

Lolita: Well, if they’re in an elevator, that’s a great Question of the Month. Hey, Dana, what would you say to the president if you were stuck in an elevator with him? DANA COLLEY (A.K.A.C.O.D.): Going down? *** GAIL RUSH (Curve of the Earth): You are responsible for the deaths of over 4000 Americans and hundreds of thousand Iraqis. You’ve destroyed an entire country (Iraq) and made it a feeding ground for terrorists, which is was not before your invasion. You have been responsible for the systematic ruin of our middle class, and the poverty of those living close to the edge of a financial abyss. You have courted the rich and powerful and made them richer and more powerful. You have crushed the image of America and Americans under the heel of your $4,000.00 cowboy boots. You have sold our natural resources to the highest bidder and outsourced our jobs to countries who would work for our destruction. You have partnered with our enemies, and embarrassed our friends in the world. You have no shame because you are too stupid to realize you have done anything wrong. And you can’t even pronounce the word for which you placed this country in financial and moral ruin. It’s nu-clear not nuke-u-lar, you idiot. *** EDRIE (Walter Sickert & the Army of Broken Toys): Ummm… do I have to talk to him or can I just kick him in the balls and say, “There, now you know how it feels!” *** BOBY BEAR (local drum legend—list of affiliations are far too long to go into): Are you happy now? Just what the FUCK were you trying to prove? Now come the fuck clean on the subject of UFO’s, and while you’re at it, tell me, just WHERE you guys are hiding Elvis these days? *** DICK TATE (The Middle East/ Prime Movers): Thank you for making the Nixon years seem somewhat less awful. *** DAVE PAEK (Us Versus Them): Mr. President, with all due respect, you are ruining our nation. Do us a favor and please resign. *** WILL RAGANO (Count Zero): How do you sleep at night? Or… do you need help removing that smirk from you face? *** KIER BYRNES (Three Day Threshold): I’d get up really close to him, right in his face and just glare at him, totally ignoring his personal space. As soon as he seemed sufficiently bothered by this, I’d back off a bit and joke, “I’m just fucking with ya, George,” but then I’d yell at the top of my lungs right back in his face “LIKE YOU FUCKED WITH THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!” I’m sure shortly thereafter, I’ll be enjoying a nice trip to Guantanamo Bay. *** GENO JOHNSTON (Strawhorse): How many fingers am I holding up? *** PREACHER JACK (Preacher Jack): If I were stuck in an elevator with the “great decider” George Bush, I would say to him, “George, you profess to be a Christian but the Jesus YOU worship and the Jesus I worship are two very different people. My Jesus hates murder so he is anti-war, my Jesus values ALL life so he is anti-DP, my Jesus believes in equal rights for ALL so he supports a women’s right to choose, my Jesus loves all not just conservative republican donors. Oh, and by the way, I am playing the Pawtucket Film Festival on September 14th, and I am personally inviting you to come by—have a cold refreshment, some wonderful Iggy’s bread, and chill the freak out! *** DAVID AVERY (Powderfinger Promotions): Hey Bush, how’s Dick? *** JOE COUGHLIN (the Noise): So when are you gonna spill the truth about UFO’s, already? *** RICK BERLIN (Self): I’d hold his mouth open with one (gloved) hand, force feed him a tab of blotter acid, then close it up—like forcing a cat to swallow a pill—stick The Smirk in front of a cracked mirror as he hallucinates the entire population of the world in the elevator with him and ask, “hey, Bushie, ol’ white shoe, ol’ Yalie, ol’ good ol’ bad ol’ bastard boy, how can you sleep at night? And how much did you like letting ol’ Turd Blossom slip it in up the ol’ stove pipe in the wee hours?” *** NIKI LUPARELLI (The Steamy Bohemians): I’d probably say, “You know, George, the elevator won’t go any faster if you keep pressing the button… Got any blow?” *** JOHN BEAUDETTE (Destroy Babylon): Any last words, bitch? *** WILL DAILEY (Will Dailey): I’ve thought about this one for eight years. And I would say nothing and just give him a hug. It was a lack of compassion, human connection, and forgiveness that resulted in his poor performance on earth. Why deny him and myself any more? *** PETER WALSH (The Gobshites/ Meat Depressed): Couldn’t you at least say excuse me when you fart… or fuck up the country? *** MICHAEL BLOOM (Tim Mungenast & his Pre-existing Conditions/ Sgt. Maxwell’s Peace Chorus): I’d ask the preznit if he really thought he was going to get to heaven, reminding him of Matthew 25:46, the Sermon on the Mount, the injunction to “sell all you have and follow me,” and the line about the camel and the needle’s eye. Lolita: Oh yeah, I know that one—it’s in a song by Eno. I think Volcano Suns covered that one.  I guess I’ll be going to heaven because I like to sing along to that song.

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NEWS DE ROCQUE

Rita: While Lolita is singing in her heavenly voice, I’ll deliver the news you won’t get in the mainstream media. Wow, we’ve got lots of film related news to start with.  Comedian MIKE MYERS covers EXTREME’s “More Than Words” in his less-than-well-received movie released over the summer The Love Guru. *** Enlighten Up (feature film/documentary), scored by KRISHNA VENKATESH (x-El Dopa/ Think Tree) and directed by KATE CHURCHHILL (Nama Productions), debuts at the MFA on 9/12 and then plays at the Kendall Square Cinema 9/19-9/25. *** ELAINE WALKER (x-DDT/ Zia) composed the electronic score for the independent sci-fi film Aerodynamics. AD FRANK and SARAH RABDAU are among the special guests performers at the fundraiser (Thursday, 10/9 at Rumor, 100 Warrenton Street in Boston Theatre District). *** KAREN (Girl on Top) DeBIASSE’s song, “Air Waves,” is in the film Fillbilly that will appear in both the L.A. and N.Y. film festivals. *** THE WEISTRONAUTS had no idea why it happened, or who was responsible, but their video of “Ring Mod a.k.a. Modsavasana” was featured on YouTube’s main page. Watch it and I think you can figure out why. youtube.com/watch?v=15U7A4LE_Tk *** Radio industry magazine, Radio & Records, has released this year’s award nominees in anticipation of the R & R radio convention taking place from 9/17 through 9/19 in Austin, Texas.  Both WFNX and WBCN were nominated for “Alternative Station of the Year” in top markets. *** STEPHIE PEEKA & THE SEEKING 7 landed in first place in the N.J. Fest Contest by attracting 2855 votes. *** Check out the new venue in Central Square—Clear Conscience Cafe (581 Mass. Ave.)—it’s the Mass. Ave. entrance way to Harvest Co-Op. ADAM SHERMAN is booking the place (a.k.a. C3) and it looks like it’s off to a good start. *** DAN SHEA is now booking the Milky Way in Jamaica Plain. *** THE LUXURY was selected from 600 competing bands by COLDPLAY to open their sold-out show on Monday, 8/4 at the TD Banknorth Garden. The contest was sponsored by Capitol Records and Live Nation through WFNX.  *** THE COFFIN LIDS’ “Creepy Crawl” video is a ’60s go-go garage song with a horror twist that was produced in collaboration with Drive-In Horrorshow, an independent Boston horror film by Greg Ansin and Michael Neel. The 16mm film should be completed by January 1, 2009. *** AMANDA PALMER and BRIAN VIGLIONE (the Dresden Dolls) are touring the world. While Brian is in Oberhausen, Amanda is in Toronto. Brian’s is in Aalborg, while Amanda is in San Fancisco. Then Brian’s is in Lancaster, when Amanda is in Edinburgh. Lolita: That must make it very hard for them to play together.

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TEN YEARS AGO

Rita: While Lolita tries to figure out how Brian and Amanda manage to perform together (maybe one is transmitted by satellite to the other’s show?) I’m going to ask my friends a simple question—what is something you do now that you didn’t do 10 years ago? There’s the other Dave from woolly bully—what’s he doing getting into the driver’s seat of that plane?  DAVE WESTNER (Woolly Mammoth Sound/Tori Pyne): Four years ago, I started taking flying lessons.  Two years later, I got my commercial pilot’s license.  I can’t believe I get paid to fly, and to record music for a living.  What a way to have a job, yet never actually work! *** AMANDA PALMER (Amanda Palmer): I floss. About five years ago I went to the dentist and she told me it was curtains if I didn’t floss regularly… scared the bejesus out of me. So now I floss faithfully… with such vigor that my dentist is now warning me about gum depletion. WTF? *** MR. CURT (Urban Caravan/ Mr. Curt Ensemble): Hate to admit it, but it’s this damn struggle with aging and strength and stamina versus ability and desires. Heart and mind are in the right place, but the body has developed many cricks and creaks. So I’m trying to exercise more regularly, have submitted to acupuncture sessions, and am now involved with physical therapy. Yikes! Stay in shape, indeed! *** SHAUN WOLF WORTIS (Gato Malo): Change a baby’s diapers while wearing a Red Sox championship cap. *** TONY SAVARINO (Black Fortess of Opium/ Garvey J): See a therapist. *** ADAM LEWIS (Planetary Group): Eat Healthy!  If you told me ten years ago, I would be popping fish oil pills, I would have asked you to share your drugs. *** LINDA VIENS (Angeline/ Sgt. Maxwell’s Peace Chorus): What a fun question! Something I “do” now is actually something I “don’t do” now… or at least mostly, which is: I don’t take things as personally. I read a book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that changed my life, and helped me to stop playing the victim in my relationships, especially with family stuff. I used to take it personally that my parents were so cruel, and now I understand that they did the best they could and their unkind behavior wasn’t about me, it was about THEM. Ahhh… the freedom in this realization! I can’t recommend this book more highly! *** DARRON BURKE (Makeshift Studio/ Harvard College Library Audio Preservation Services): I just started a job at Harvard University doing audio archiving. I didn’t realize that the work I’d been doing all these years in my recording studio translated to actual skills that could be applied to a REAL JOB!  I’m overjoyed to be working here! *** BRETT MILANO (The Sound of Our Town):  Respond to the Noise poll via email. *** GLENN WILLIAMS  (Lowbudget Records): Ten years ago I was going through a creative time when I tried to write and perform in a vacuum. I wanted to be totally original—no outside influences. Needless to say, it made for a difficult time. Always asking, does this song sound like someone? Now I find myself playing with the best musicians I can find—Tim Casey and Urban Caravan has really made me create with a gusto. Folks like Sal Baglio, Bird Mancini, Mr. Curt, Steve Gilligan, Jon Macey, Clara Kebabian, and our own T Max. What a great influence they’ve been. I love them. *** CORIN ASHLEY (Corin Ashley): Ten years ago, I didn’t really understand how parents  can be so crazy about their kids. I was never one of those misanthropic dicks who hates children, but I used to roll my eyes a little when people would go on about how magical the whole thing is. I just never comprehended how amazing it can be to be hear a little guy call you Daddy. *** CHRIS TAYLOR (The Dimwits/ Winter Street Records): Two chicks. *** JOHN POWHIDA (the Rudds): I do a lot more manscaping than I did ten years ago. Lolita: What, prey tell, is manscraping? John: It’s where you trim your body hair like landscaping. Lolita: Well, I need a bikini trim, how much do you charge?

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MUSICAL CHAIRS

Rita: I can’t believe Lolita is getting a trim from JPo! From the position she’s in, I think she’s looking for more than a little pruning. Now let’s change gears and keep track of the movement between band members in this lovely music scene. THE GIANT KINGS include DUKE LEVINE, CHRIS COTE, KEVIN BARRY, MARTY BALLOU, ANDY PLAISTED, PAUL ALSTRAND, and MARK EARLY. Sounds like a bit of a supergroup. *** JORDAN VALENTINE (x-World’s Greatest Sinners) has got her new act together—JORDAN VALENTINE & THE SUNDAY SAINTS that includes former Sinners ANDREW MALONE (keys) and DENNIS McCARTHY (drums), and new folks PAUL AHLSTRAND (sax), PAUL TOMASHEFSKY (trumpet), LUKE GROSSELIN (sax), DAVE LEWIS (guitar), and MIKE KOCANDRLE (bass). *** HEADBAND is now going under the name 18 LIPS. *** THE SILVER LINING won't be seen too much now that ANNA PRICE and MATT RHODES and 10-month- old ETHAN have moved back to Rochester, NY. *** RICK BARTON (x-Outlets) has another band now called EVERYBODY OUT. *** JEDDO STARS feature ELLI VEE from the Charms. *** THE LANTERNS feature guitarist JAY FORTIN (SCISSORFIGHT). *** SUBURBAN SKY has changed their name to SUNDAY MORNING MUSIC. *** WHERE LAND MEETS THE SEA is in the same family tree as LOCK AND KEY. *** ANGELS OF METH combine 27, HYDRONAUTS, and PROSELTYE. *** SAVIN ILL plays their final show  on 9/5 at the Cask ’n Flagon and their off-shoot band, THE GREY PROJECT, debuts at the same show. *** MR. B, MIKE DEMONIK, and JOEY SINN (all of the Humanoids) make up BORN OF THUNDER. Lolita: Wow, in my little close encounter with JPo I found out that he buys a new bike every month. He must be really into re-cyclying.

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TEENAGER AGAIN

Rita: While Lolita continues to fail auditions at Comedy Central, I’ll ask some of my favorite people a new question—if you could be a teenager again for one day, what would you do? Of course most of these people are still teenagers so the question may be a little redundant. CARL BIANCUCCI (Classic Ruins): Prob’ly the same thing I did then—play some bass, listen to some records, eat a whole pizza without gaining a pound, pop a few zits, and, of course, beg for sex. *** JON MACEY (Fox Pass/ Urban Caravan): I would hope it was one of the days that the Velvet Underground played at the Tea Party. I would try to convince that certain someone to come along with me and hope that the music worked its hypnotic magic on her. Maybe I could go back in time with a video camera, too. *** BRADLEY JAY (WBCN): If I were going back in time to be a teenager for one day I would buy lots of clothes and guitars at low teenage prices and bring ’em back to the present with me. *** ANDY MILK (The Vital Might): If I were a teenager, I’d go back and do pretty much the same thing as I did as a teenager.  I’d go work in an ice cream store in the summer and flirt with my college girl co-workers.  I’d probably not worry about college quite as much as I did.  But college girls?  Yes. *** ERIC WELSH (ChillHouse Studios): Hammer back cans of Budweiser with friends and chicks on a Saturday night while watching the Headbangers Ball! *** TIM MUNGENAST (… & His Preexisting Conditions): If I were a teenager again, I’d consume less, listen more, and really think before I said or did ANYTHING. This would reduce my Napoleon Dynamite moments. Also, I wouldn't take any shit from the “normals.” *** BOB BEAUMONT (Guns of Navarone): A perfect teenage day would start with skateboarding around Worcester on my old Alva Chris Cook board maybe on paved banks or halfpipe. Then go to band practice in someone’s basement playing either Misfit covers or originals that we tried to make sound like Misfit songs. Then maybe take the bus to a girlfriend’s house for some romance. Then a perfect day would end with an all ages punk-hardcore show at the Quinsigamond Village Community Center to see bands like Psycho, the Creeps, Angry Kids, the Clock or even other touring teens like Screeching Weasel or NOFX. *** CHUCK U. ROSINA (WMBR/ WMFO): If I were a teenager for one day, I’d run a marathon, slide into home taking out the catcher with the winning run in a softball game, do chin-ups and pull-ups, and other jock stuff that my aging body does not allow me to do anymore. (I still run… slowly circa five miles, and play softball, but no sliding). *** IAN McCARTHY (Conservative Man): I’d quit music, and maybe leave my room once in a while. *** WOODY GIESSMANN (Right Turn): If I were a teenager for one day I would walk up to George W. Bush to tell him he is an idiot and kick his ass—I would probably do hard time as an adult. I don’t think teenagers are given hard jail time for assault. He is a pompous jerk. Let’s impeach his ass! Rita: Woody, it sounds like you’re answering two of our questions at the same time. Does that make Woody bilingual? Lolita: I don’t know if he’s bi—but he’s really good at that cunnilingual stuff.

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CLUBLAND

Rita: Lolita’s mastery of English never ceases to amaze me. Here are local shows that will amaze you. HAYRIDE plays Atwood’s every Monday in September. *** WMBR Late Risers’ Club Party is at the Alchemist in J.P. on Friday, 9/5, with JAN CROCKER’s classic Boston punk videos and MARISSA ACOSTA’s Late Risers’ Club documentary. *** Catch MUCK & THE MIRES at the Middle East on Saturday, 9/6 before they jump the pond to Europe. *** THE BRENDAN BOOGIE BAND plays a Tom Petty tribute at the Middle East on Friday, 9/12. *** ENTRAIN gets Johnny D’s jumpin’ on Saturday, 9/13. *** ROBBY ROADSTEAMER jolts MassCann/NORML’s Award show at the Middle East Downstairs on Friday, 9/19. *** THE BAGS (with that guy who draws Rock School) return to Church on Saturday, 9/20. *** THE SPURS ride the Midway on Friday, 9/26. *** WALTER SICKERT & THE ARMY OF BROKEN TOYS release their CD at the Lily Pad on Friday and Saturday, 9/26 + 27. *** Lolita: And what ever you do, don’t miss the Noise’s 27th anniversary festivities on Saturday, 10/4, at the Cantab, starring 27, ANGELINE, SGT. MAXWELL’S PEACE CHORUS  (CD release), and a slew of special guest.

RIP: Spencer Gates (Mystery Girls on WMBR) died of cancer on 7/6/08 (see the spread on her on page 10 in the print issue).
RIP: Scott Roy (a.k.a. SJ Roi of Turkish Queen 2002-2005) drowned at a swimming hole in Washington state on 7/19/08.
RIP: Wayne Wadhams (founding member of the ’60s pop group the Fifth Estate) passed away on 8/19/08.

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