by T Max and Joe Coughlin
20 YEARS AGO
Issue #76 September 1988
Cover: Lazy Susan, Mickey O,
Bands: Lemonheads, Ed’s Redeeming Qualities, Slapshot, Heyday, Xanna Don’t, Voodoo Dolls, Curious Ritual, Jasmine Love Bomb, the Norberts, Maelstrom—who had one of the best metal song titles ever with “Let the Fury Be the Jury.” One of the tightest, most ferocious, arena-ready bands I ever had the pleasure to witness in a small club. Sorely missed.
Gossip & Stuff: The Rat soundman (Granny) broke his leg skiing and didn’t know it until the next day.*** Kenne Highland is using the holes in 7-inch records to masturbate. Sadly, I hear that these days he’s using LPs. Kenne, I feel your pain. *** Lolita gets all her answers to the Question of the Month in the bathroom of the Rat. *** Rita and Lolita admit that they are constantly mistaken for hookers. Maybe not a big surprise when you conduct your “interviews” in the men’s room at the Rat. *** Big Time Records sues Dumptruck for $8000, because they signed with a different label when the option in their contract wasn’t renewed. Eight grand? Wow, that IS “big time.” *** Hullabaloo plays the Middle East totally naked. *** Mr. Butch “The King of Kenmore Square” T-shirts are for sale. Mr. Butch helps me sell the T-shirts on the street—he gets a $1 commission on each sale. *** John Neidhart and Randy Black (both of Limbo Race) write pieces critiquing the quality of the local music scene and MTV respectfully. Judging by what sells today, sounds like they were pretty perceptive. *** Softball pitcher Jon Bernhardt (WMBR) gets stitched up when centerfielder Phil Milstein (Uzi) fires the ball home and that is intercepted by Jon’s head. I, T Max, get blamed for it because the game should have been over—I purposely allowed the previous batter to get on base. Jon receives two stitches in his eyebrow and the scar becomes a regular conversation piece for the next 20 years. Just do what the pros do and blame it on steroids.
15 YEARS AGO
Issue #131 September 1993
Bands: Tackle Box, Trojan Ponies, Aimee Mann, Mung, the Satanics, Kings of Feedback, Jennifer Trynin, Harmony Rockits, Resolve, Bebe Gallini, Bleu, David Greenberger/Terry Adams, the Showcase Showdown
Gossip & Stuff: Des (Bentmen) reports that on its maiden voyage, his camper’s plumbing explodes. *** Joe Bonni (x-Weekly Dig/ Pit Report) has a bag of laundry mistaken for garbage and thrown out. I have the opposite problem. I try to throw out my dirty laundry and the trash guys refuse to take it and bring it back. *** Kustomized goes to Chicago to record with Steve Albini. *** The Causeway opens where Chet’s Last Call was located (North Station). *** In Allston, Bunratty’s folds and reopens as Local 186. One partner, now living in the Florida Keys, is battling Hurricane Fay as I write this. *** The Mighty Mighty Bosstones tour Europe with Fishbone and the Stone Temple Pilots. *** Peter Choyce (who’s now out in L.A. on KXLU) notices that in Macy’s electronic department you can freeze-frame yourself on the entire wall of TV monitors, so he whips out his schlong and… *** DDT gets a terrible live review in Boston Rock. Turns out the reviewer mixed up the band names on the bill and he actually liked DDT… but who’s going to figure that out? *** GG Allin dies of a heroin overdose on June 28th. Five days later his purple body is put on display wearing a black leather jacket and a jock strap with a microphone in one hand and a bottle of Jim Beam in the other. I was there, and that was the least of it.
10 YEARS AGO
Issue #184 September 1998
Cover: Jack Drag, Babaloo, the Wicked Farleys
Bands: Johnny Black Trio, Willard Grant Conspiracy, Betwixt, My Favorite Relative, Chin Ho!, Mr. Airplane Man, Blake Hazard, Duncan Wilder Johnson, Make Lisa Rich, Bourbon Princess, Honeyglazed, Superhoney, Kahoots
Gossip & Stuff: The Syphlloids start their Butts Across America Tour with an appropriate ad displaying a number of beautiful naked female bottoms. *** Lolita accuses Rita of stuffing her bra, and Rita announces that Lolita had liposuction on her big fat ass. They could have saved a bundle if Rita had just waited to stuff her bra with Lolita’s ass-leftovers. *** The band Love Sauce bottles and sells its own love sauce. There are enough jokes here to fill an entire column. ’Nuff said. *** T.T.’s celebrates its 25th anniversary with five nights of shows. *** Kenne Highland receives a royalty check for $1000 from a Swedish band that covered “Kiss of the Rat.” *** Stocklan recruits adult film star Alisha Klass to liven up their live show—Lolita feels overlooked and claims she packages more than Klass. *** The Amazing Royal Crowns have to change their name to the Amazing Crowns. Anyone who hasn’t heard it should check out the sad-but-true story detailed in Darkbuster’s song, “The Amazing Royal Shaft.” And no, it ain’t about the name change. *** Jesse Peretz (Lemonheads) directs the sizzling feature film First Love, Last Rites. *** Slide’s CD Forgiving Buckner gets installed in the Baseball Hall of Fame. *** WERS gets a new studio built and in the process throws out its entire vinyl library. This is depressing to learn. Someone (like me) could’ve used it and/ or sold it. *** Mikey Dee tells of a film he was in, Terror in the Cinema, where he plays a psychiatrist that gets thrown down a flight of stairs. The film couldn’t afford a stunt man.
5 YEARS AGO
Issue #234 September 2003
Cover: The Good North, Mark Kates, The Some Little Somethings, Three Day Threshold at the Warped Tour, Mikey Dee Memorial Centerfold Collage
Bands: Paula Kelley, the Rudds, the Information, Quick Fix, Erik Lindgren, Cracktorch, the Weisstronauts, My Own Worst Enemy, Neptune, We’re All Gonna Die, Rock City Crimewave, the December Sound, Shelley Winters Project, Dresden Dolls, Mistle Thrush, Tanya Donnelly, Bill Janovitz, BJ Snowden—who’s touring France as we speak, and they love her over there. Yeah, I know they like Jerry Lewis, but they also like Willie Alexander and the Real Kids, so get over it.
Gossip & Stuff: Lolita claims that she’s been writing the gossip column for 22 years and yet she’s only 20 years old. She’s hardly the only scenester entering her second childhood. *** Bleu returns from touring Japan and is fascinated with their toilet bowls. He also designs his own bleu-berry smoothie that is sold at Emack & Bolios on Newbury Street. *** Drugless Douglas completes his 769th show on WMFO and moves to Colorado. *** Thundertain, like fine wine, tours after 25 years of gracefully aging. Some wine went on tour and I missed it? *** Gary Cherone (Extreme/ Van Halen/ Boston Rock Opera) goes to Michigan to perform as Jesus in the Barn Theatre Company’s production of Jesus Christ Superstar. *** Lolita asks us to visualize a literal translation of the term “you have to be shitting me.” *** Warren Zanes (a.k.a. Ork Boy of the Del Fuegos) starts a Scruffy the Cat cover band. *** There’s slander on the Noise Board as T Max and then webmaster Nancy Cahn respond to a letter attempting to protect the character of Natasha Manolagas (a.k.a. Supachik). Alongside the published letter is a photo of Ms. Manolagas holding two beer bottles up to her wide-open oral orifice with full tongue extension and looks as if she’s about to satisfy two men made of glass. Nice of you folks to try and help protect her character that way. Thanks, I’m here all week!